Paper Boats
October 16, 2009 by hames-1977
There was a time in our lives
when we thought of the raincloud
as omen, spoiling the day
for us to play in the open.
The rain fills the street canals like rivers.
And if it has stopped, then hurriedly,
we rip pages from our notepads
to make us- paper boats.
We were so young then.
We are fond of races. We will race to see.
Whose boat comes first crossing the finish line?
If our paper boats were like voyages
of our little dreams. Would it be?
I didn’t cross the finish line first.
As mine have wilted wet, moving slow.
I have to be content coming in
as number two, a second placer.
You always come away as the victor
in almost every races we used to play.
We are not so young anymore.
The tough gets going and it’s me
who have stayed behind, year after year
bobbing at sea. Sailing the ocean because
I didn’t win. Crossing first the finish line.
Marvin,
I noticed a pattern in your works, a style in the way you end them. You leave the readers to draw conclusions like leaving your works ragged edges and it’s up to the reader to refine the loose hemlines in their minds, oftentimes, there are no redemptions to them. If the character have to be defeated, so be it. No excuses, that’s reality. And this poem and the previous used the same style.
If I wrote this poem, I must have ended it in a different manner, I should have brought the character in a different harbor, I could have used the paper boat to take the story in a shore different from the picture in this poem that left me pensive. I get affected with what I read, your works have such power. Once again, this poem helped me further in understanding your style of writing and in the process define mine.
I think you get that freedom to be kind or not to be too kind to your character from what you mentioned, not limiting your inspiration from the self, but getting rich inspiration from your observations.
In contrast, I mentioned that I always sprinkle specks of myself in the poems I write, and as you call it, they become confessional. Writing for me becomes my way of analyzing internal conflicts, resolving them and trying to rise in the surface of the ragged seas of life voyages. For that reason, I offer solution to conflicts in my poems, because that’s me talking to myself what to do in whatever issue life presents to me.
I’ve been studying lately styles of writing, voices and etc. by reading books to help me define my style and to achieve my ultimate aim to “Tame the tykes voice.” I found out that my style and the voice I use is of a grown up person talking to a child, and the child is myself. Things I’ve wanted as a kid to hear from adults(especially from my father), that I never got. My readings also showed me where my works would fit best in the kind of audience it could be most effective: Children and young adult. My recent poem, “The road stretches” is one of the poems that would encapsule that and for me to move forward in taming the tyke’s voice. I temporarily freeze the submission of my art portfolio to galleries for that reason and because I’m seeing a different picture as I struggle figuring out how to present my works better. With my kind of audience, I thought my paintings would enhance my written works more and vice versa. Hence, the title “The Road Stretches.” Guess what, I’m back reading children’s books lately. I am that serious! Hehehe!
With my readings, and my following of your works, I am inclined to think that your voice is that of an adult talking to an adult - it hits where it hurts - no excuses. You would be effective writing for them, they would be your kind of audience and the people that would buy your book if you decide to publish your works. I hope this would be of help to you in strengthening your voice and finding your readers. I have learned from my study that for a writer to effectively capture his reader, he has to know them more.
Now going back to your poem, and if it’s me who wrote it, I would have ended it allowing the 2nd placer to take lead in time - I could have used the values of perseverance, persistence and patience to give it a more uplifting ending for my kind of audience: The Children/young adult. To offer hope, to resolve the conflict, to offer possibilities. It maybe unrealistic to the jaded adults, but for children and for people who believe in possibilities there’s nothing more real than arriving and living the dream.
I could have used the idea in my favorite scenes from the movie Gattaca to end this poem. When the supposed to be invalid child grew up to prove his brother he could triumph with his determination when he over took his brother in a swimming race he used to lose all the time when they were kids. This line revealed his winning secret, that every child should carry in their hearts.
The scene: after a long swimming race in a rugged ocean at night time, his brother gave up to their race stating that they should swim back because they are becoming too far away from the shore. For the first time, vincent lead the race and rescued his brother who used to think he could never triumph over him. and then he said the immortal line:
“You want to know how I did it , Anton? Well, this is how I did it. I never saved anything for the swim back.”
I wish you well.
~ Jeques