Rhapsody In Blue
September 16, 2009 by hames-1977
No string quartet.
No conductor to signal the baton.
No orchestra to anticipate my usual swoon
of randomly plucked staccato
alternating octaves
like a mad man in Vienna.
Alone in the stage,
I would linger
unvigorous in vibrato,
punctuating this sadness
in glissando. A solo part- how I wish
to serenade the muse. Longing
to tell her story in music-
under the sweet delicate pitch
sorrow of Cremona.
The episodes, I have written on
mellow notes, resonant harmony-
bowing cello. Passionately
romancing my fingers to the smoothness
of her nape, the ebony board. While
sitting on a chair, I am a young lover
in blue, embracing memories.
My gentle touch travels
her body, her maple waist
to her bridge, her sensual curves.
Choreographed my movements
spiked to her gravity. My slow breath
became whispers reverberating,
counter-pointing her lucid melody.
I chose to be soft rather than loud,
my cello swooning treble of a tenor-
overwhelmed by a mezzo-soprano.
Quenching beneath this segmented,
disjointed and abruptly shifted
monotony of a lifetime
asking for her forgiveness.
Marvin,
Aptly chosen words meticulously studied and used like an ensemble of musicians - playing varied instruments, yet each adding elements to the harmoneous combination in an orchestra to play a musical master piece. Oh well, in this case, words gathered to create such a masterfully written poem.
This poem showcase your depth as a poet and your range as a writer. The poem proves to show your continuous and seemingly boundless growth, your dedication to your craft, your attention to minute details and preciseness: only a widely read writer could possibly compose such a poem meticulously written.
I have to mention that the sentiment that colors this rather academic poem gave it a throbbing heart - oftentimes, too much study put in a poem gave it cold blood. Not in this piece, the emotion beneath is as strong as the craftmanship rendered.
If I have to suggest on one thing, using first person verb would not hurt and would rather push the emotion laid in this poem forward and upfront.
May my words would be enough to translate a well deserve pat on your back for achieving such quality in your works.
I wish you well.
~ Jeques
Thanks for leaving a comment in my recent poem that helped me find the perfect title to it when I wrote my reply - please check back my poem now with the title “Breaking Grounds” and read my reply to your comment.
http://jeques.wordpress.com/2009/09/12/breaking-grounds/
I also replied to your comment in my poem, “Fragile Gateway”
http://jeques.wordpress.com/2009/09/10/fragile-gateway/
I find our poetry collaborations really fruitful. They make me see things that I initially didn’t notice.
I wish you well.
~ Jeques
jeques,
thanks for your inspiring words. i have edited this poem by putting the point of view in the first person verb. the result is much grittier and heartfelt. thanks for your valuable comment that helped me improve on my poetry.
i was adamant at first to put this poem in first person, because i don’t know if i could have the courage to put into words the idea of writing a poem about a musician violinist. i have toyed with this idea for quite a long time now, not having the right amount of inspiration and i am handicapped of know-how.
finally the right moment came after i have watched a movie titled “the soloist” played by jamie foxx, about a mentally challenged former music prodigy from julliards and his admiration towards beethoven. i love his venue choices of playing violin, in the open freeway and public parks of los angeles.
this movie, have ignited my lost emotions after having watched a movie “the red violin”. the perfect pitch storyline is about a piece of musical craftsmanship in the violin making town of cremona, italy surviving the years in the hands of world history. the emotions i had before, as i recall, were the profoundest time i have appreciated the storyline for a movie.
i have planned to encapsulate that moment years back, but, i am so afraid of not giving justice to it. now, for this very reason, i have created this poem to rekindle the lost emotions that lay dormant for years.
indeed, inside of me, is a quiet celebration, when i read your comment, that after all, this poem deserves an accolade from a fellow poet. i humbly accept your admiration for this piece.
best of times,
marvin
Marvin,
Now you own the poem completely.
This is what I’m trying to achieve in my writings and I’ve been pointing to you. We may use diverse things to enscape, or dress our writing in terms of metaphor and simile use, plot and setting, backdrop and all, but for me the most important element to make the poetry we write “our own” is the heart we put into it.
All the other elements were used and will be used by many writers before and after us, but what would make our works distinctive is the emotion that we infuse in each piece that’s uniquely ours and nobody could ever copy.
I value honesty in my works for that reason. It may sometimes put me is such an awkward situation opening my heart to readers but for me that’s one price I need to pay for the gift.
The same is true with my arts: painting/drawing.
We can best write something that we know, and we feel from our view of the world that perhaps other souls could connect that would make our life as writers whole and worthwhile.
About The Soloist, I had plans watching that film last spring, but I read unfavorable reviews so I opted for “Slamdog Millionaire” instead. I felt for the characters in the movie when I saw the trailer, maybe I should just wait for somebody in YouTube to upload it. Hehehe!
YouTube is providing me free, yet rich source of entertainment and information. I recently watched 2 Filipino indie films which I thought are better written and produced:
“Namets” (Yummy) maybe because I’m an Ilonggo, and “100.”
“100″ is really good!
Here’s the link if you are interested, just find the playlist from the user’s channel for better viewing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-XhwIGI89I
I wish you well.
~ Jeques
jeques,
i am always been honest through all of my works. may it be real or surreal. even in surreality, i am compelled to be honest to convey that.
that is how i perceive of what you are trying to tell me in this comment. so in statements, like you value honesty, i also value honesty.
though we are doing it on our own separate terms with a different set of convictions of why we are doing it. in which i can easily understand in your comment, as your way of clarifying or explaining your methodology in writing.
its just that, too much focus about self makes poetry too confessional. i don’t want that, so i diversify, shifting from first person to third person viewpoint story-telling. i am trying to confront questions, and seek that “what’s on the other side” matra.
i believe that this lifetime, is not enough to contain all life experiences to one person. it varies from people to people, so that no one can boast of “i’ve been there, i’ve done that” tagline.
in each person, are unique stories waiting to be unravelled through the written word, but not all have been given the ability to put that across in paper. in a way, we, writers, are their mouthpieces, though they never obliged us to do it.
isn’t it nice, when you hear somebody saying “yeah, that is how i feel when i am handicapped; yeah, that is true when you are a seaman, and so on.”
poetry like any other literary devices, is a creative pursuit. in this process, i am also learning my way of understanding out of the different life situations i am tackling as subjects.
so i think, my sphere of thought as a writer should be wide-ranged, thought-tested, and seeking reality out of the popular belief. that is why, i pluck enough courage to venture out of my own comfort zones, try to be a little adventurous with topics.
i believe that if i will not go out of my way, seeking answers from a different life’s perspective or a different vantage point, then i would never find something new. even if to the point of going against the majority and its popular opinion.
sometimes, inspiration comes by observing other people’s lives. i have tried to internalize situations which has nothing to do with my present circumstances. due to the fact, that i am involved in student theater guild, in which i am familiarized with methodism-acting.
in this, i think, is another method of effectively connecting with readers, by telling a slice about their life in a story or poem. the elements and methods are there, not to embellish, but as a creative way of retelling the usual and the ordinary of things and situations.
and for the soloist, i have seen also the shortcomings of the story telling, but i try to focus on the idea of being a musician, since i am doing something about a musician, which i am not. that is why, i have opted to put that on a third person. but better, in the first person.
i am only focused to that, not caring if the standards of storytelling is at par or not. and besides, it is not always good to rely on film reviews, it is biased and more often than not, film critics are only doing it for money or favors.
i thank you for the time and effort of dropping comments, which help me greatly to assess my progress and further development as a writer. we may have a different take on certain writing methods, but i value this exchange of thoughts. never tire to express what’s on your mind, it is a very worthy collaboration, as you have said it.
i love expressing my point of views, such as this.
best of times,
marvin
Marvin,
That is right, I always go back to that imagery of us looking and writing about a star from different angles achieving bountiful produce and yet knowing that everybody are looking at the same star after all. We may stand on different grounds but still share our love for words and writing. It is good to hear clearly your views and methods of writing because it would add to the harvest I need to put in my basket and I could pick from once laid on my table when I write.
I think I also need to learn writing about how other people would look at a certain situation. Writing only about one’s perspective could really be limiting sometimes. But I really would like to master this craft and style of writing because this is where I feel I am most effective. It is only now that I realized seldom do I write things about other people - or if I do, I always end up infusing personal sentiments melting the ingridients on the pot and ending up with a dish that is me and I serve to the reader. I can not just completely dettach myself from my writings.
When I watched the film “namets,” which is basically about cooking with 2 strong characters of local chefs, there’s that part about how local foods are perceived to be boring because it’s all the same thing. I think the same is true with writing, things become boring and stale with writers writing the same things because we all live in the same grounds and breath the same air, feeling the same emotions though from different angles.
But there’s a wisdom that was infused in that part of the film, stating that it is the job of the chef to make boring local food exciting. Like it is the job of the writer to put something new in a dish, and make ordinary things look fresh and new again. In anyway we do it, as long as we achieve that, I think we have done our jobs. It’s still on the personal touch we put on something that makes it extraordinary.
And as Theodore Roethke put it into words in his essay, “Some Self Analysis,” which I learned a lot from and let me quote an excerpt to share with you:
—
“I have long wondered just what my strength was as a writer. I am often filled with tremendous enthusiasm for a subject, yet my writing about it seem a sorry attempt. Above all, I possess a driving sincerity, - that prime virtue of any creative worker. I write only what I believe to be the absolute truth, - even if I must ruin the theme in so doing. In this respect I feel far superior to those glib people in my classes who often garner better grades than I do. They are so often pitiful frauds, - artificial - insincere. They have a line that works. They do not write from the depths of their hearts. Nothing of theirs was ever born of pain. Many an incoherent yet sincere piece of writing outlived the polished product.
I write only about people and things that I know thoroughly. Perhaps I become a mere reporter, not a writer. Yet I know this is all my present ability permit. I will open my eyes in my youth and store this raw, living material. Age may bring the fire that molds experience into artistry.”
—
Writers as reporters. Or as you put it, “writers, as mouthpieces” of people who are lack the ability to write them.
Your style of writing is to internalize wide range of subjects not necessarily your own that would in effect connect you to your readers when they read their story you told in your works which I believe is very effective considering that your subjects range from specific to universal.
My way of doing it is attaching myself on subjects - not necessarily familiar - finding something within me to connect and to blend myself with the external elements, from whatever inspiration and ending up making the story my own and yet once laid on paper readers would find themselves still connected.
We are part of the streams of the universe, it is up to us how to use this connection, for as long as we make that connection. But one thing is sure, the best way and for me the only way to connect completely is with our hearts because that is where the streams flow in and out, and back.
Thanks for this mind stimulating, thought-provoking that in a way help us analyze and lay our methods and style of writing.
Keep going.
I wish you well.
~ Jeques